Helping Someone in Grief

How does one talk to someone in grief?

It's a situation so awkward and confusing that most of us would prefer avoiding that scenario if possible. I too was completely at a loss of how to handle this situation, going for the safe "show your face at a funeral and disappear as soon as possible" approach. It wasn't until I found myself on the other side that I learned how good and sometimes how bad people can be in this situation.

Losing a loved one can be the worst day of your life. And so it was for me. It's been almost 3 years since that day. 3 people who had the courage to come and speak to me that day made a lasting impression. For different reasons.

Person X was my teacher. She was very compassionate and understanding. She had so much empathy that she even started tearing up. She was so eloquent with the words she used and the way she spoke, I couldn't help but be impressed. And grateful. You need someone to say the right things at such a difficult time. And it takes a special teacher to be there for a student at such a difficult time.

Person Y was not someone I knew. She was the aunt of a friend. She showed up a little after the funeral. Her attitude was as though this was some sort of party. She told me I should get over it and be happy. She also advised me to interact with guests better. When conversations go down this route, you just hope the person leaves before you say something you'd regret later. Thankfully, I didn't respond. I kept my emotions intact and faked a smile as best I could until she left.

Person Z was my classmate from school. He showed up, a bit unexpectedly considering he didn't really know where my house was. He said that he had absolutely no clue what he was supposed to say at that point. I completely understood his dilemma, having been in his situation in the past. But the thing is, it felt nice that he made an effort. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you say. Just being there means a lot.

I'm grateful to everyone who showed up that day. Even little things can make a big impression on days like this. These 3 examples showcase different attitudes and their effect on someone in grief. 

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