Helplessness



I grew up in relative comfort. My parents weren’t rich per se but there as always enough money for my basic needs. There used to be problems, like any household, but I never had to worry about basic stuff like having food on the table. You could say I was spoiled by having my parents take care of almost all of my needs.

Fast forward to the middle of my internship and I was quickly finding out what poverty looked like. Nothing in my life till this point prepared me for what I had to deal with. My mother had passed away little over a year ago at that point and my father suddenly became bedridden after half his body was paralyzed by a stroke. My father had no savings and I was completely ignorant with regards to where my mother saved money and what the procedures were to get it transferred into my name. I desperately needed cash to take care of my father.

It is difficult to convey the things that went through my mind during those few months. After not getting stipend for around 5 months, I found myself totally broke. I had to take a month's leave from duty because I had no money to commute to a rural posting. One day, I woke up and realised I had no money to buy food for myself. I was completely helpless. I knew I had to ask for help.
There are few things in life I hate more than borrowing money. And with good reason. I was trained by my mother from a young age not to do it. But as fate would have it, I would need to depend on other people for quite a while after this. And I was forced to learn many difficult life lessons in the past couple of years. 

Not everyone who offers to help does it from the goodness of their hearts. It gives that person leverage over you. I've had to endure various forms of psychological abuse during this period as well as betrayals from people I was foolish enough to trust. When you're out of money, you'll also see many people (including family) quietly disappear from your life. In some ways, it does provide perspective, teaching us who will actually be there in difficult times. 

There are more important things in life than money but there are also so many essentials things in life that need it. You need planning and perspective to avoid a financial crisis. Never rely on anybody other than yourself.

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