Helplessness
I grew up in relative comfort. My
parents weren’t rich per se but there as always enough money for my basic
needs. There used to be problems, like any household, but I never had to worry
about basic stuff like having food on the table. You could say I was spoiled by
having my parents take care of almost all of my needs.
Fast forward to the middle of my
internship and I was quickly finding out what poverty looked like. Nothing in
my life till this point prepared me for what I had to deal with. My mother had
passed away little over a year ago at that point and my father suddenly became
bedridden after half his body was paralyzed by a stroke. My father had no
savings and I was completely ignorant with regards to where my mother saved
money and what the procedures were to get it transferred into my name. I
desperately needed cash to take care of my father.
It is difficult to convey the things
that went through my mind during those few months. After not getting stipend
for around 5 months, I found myself totally broke. I had to take a month's
leave from duty because I had no money to commute to a rural posting. One day,
I woke up and realised I had no money to buy food for myself. I was completely
helpless. I knew I had to ask for help.
There are few things in life I hate
more than borrowing money. And with good reason. I was trained by my mother
from a young age not to do it. But as fate would have it, I would need to
depend on other people for quite a while after this. And I was forced to learn
many difficult life lessons in the past couple of years.
Not everyone who offers to help does
it from the goodness of their hearts. It gives that person leverage over you.
I've had to endure various forms of psychological abuse during this period as
well as betrayals from people I was foolish enough to trust. When you're out of
money, you'll also see many people (including family) quietly disappear from
your life. In some ways, it does provide perspective, teaching us who will
actually be there in difficult times.
There are more important things in
life than money but there are also so many essentials things in life that need
it. You need planning and perspective to avoid a financial crisis. Never rely
on anybody other than yourself.
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