Coping with Loss

Our loved ones who pass on are never truly gone. They live on with us in the form of memories. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to choose what memories choose to pop up on a given day.

We do not remember things in a linear fashion. Memories come to us scattered in arrangement, often starting from the end because those ones are the clearest. Sadly, they can also be the most upsetting.

Chronic ailments like cancer and stroke are a terrible thing to live with. Watching your loved one go through that kind of suffering is a traumatic experience. You're completely helpless with regards to what is happening. It takes a lot of maturity to handle these difficult situations but all the maturity in the world is not enough to prevent yourself from being drained emotionally.

The part that hurts most is not the suffering itself. It is that the suffering could not be defeated. The disease got the better of my mother and it got the better of my father. But we still fooled ourselves into thinking that they could be healed. Or more importantly, that they would finally reach a point when the pain and the depression would cease. But that day never came. There was nothing anyone could do.

Now one could voluntarily choose to suppress the bad memories and remember only the good things. The memories that make us smile. But the problem is that the painful memories are just as real as the good ones, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise.

In fact, the feeling of pain and sorrow is absolute. It is difficult for happiness to match it in intensity. It is a visceral emotion that will always stay with you. A bad dream that you can never truly forget.

The process of grieving is a frustratingly slow one. We all need to move on from our losses no matter how painful they may be. With time, we will grieve less and less. We'll get busier. We'll become more functional. But the pain will always be real.

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