Pain Understands Pain

A large portion of this blog has involved me venting about how I've had to deal with selfish and cruel people over the past few years. Sometimes it's easy to forget that not everyone that comes into your life will be like that. It's important to acknowledge the ones that showed unconditional kindness as well. 

Jim

The first time I'd met Jim was about 3 years ago. He was looking for a place to stay near his daughter's new school and my mother's old house was only a stone's throw away from there. 

The house was empty for a few years as my parents had the habit of asking for more rent than it was worth. Some renovations were needed but I felt it was worthwhile with Jim interested. Money was tight but it would be a profitable move in the long run. It helped that Jim was kinda desperate as I wouldn't be able to drastically improve the place in the next year because of financial troubles. And the rent he gave was the only real stable income I had that year due to being screwed by non-payment in a private hospital and later delayed payment in a Govt hospital. It wasn't much but 8k a month meant a fucking lot to me back then. 

The first year we'd known each other, we didn't really see each other often given I was running around different hospitals trying to get by. Things would change though. 

The Next Year

My father passed away in late 2019. I had to find a new place to stay in early 2020 (thanks Aunt May). The top floor of my mother's old house was lying vacant so I moved in there with Jim still staying on the ground floor below. 

In a few months, the whole world would change with the onset of the Covid pandemic. That meant I was stuck alone at home during the early lockdowns. At the same time, I was still in grief and it wasn't like I had many people to turn to during that time. The loneliness was not healthy.  

That was the time when Jim and his family decided to help me out. They'd give me meals every now and then which would often be the only human interaction I'd have for weeks (not counting trips to the grocery store). 

As is my nature, I offered to reduce their rent given how much free food they were giving me but Jim was having none of it. After all the trauma I'd been through in the past few years, it took me a while to understand this was pure kindness with no hidden motives. 

Pain Understands Pain

The kindness Jim's family showed me during that time helped maintain my peace of mind at a time when most friends and family were absent. And it is that sort of kindness that gets you through difficult times. 

Jim's family had more their own share of problems in life too. His wife died a few years earlier leaving him alone to take care of 2 kids with the help of his ageing mother. The rest of his wife's family basically abandoned the kids. 

Perhaps it is because of the pain he's been through in life that made him think of helping me in the first place. People who've experienced pain will have a different perspective on how to help someone going through the same. 

One thing to understand is that pain cannot be fixed by anyone. You can't take someone from sorrow to happiness instantaneously. Expecting that to happen would make the person in grief pretty uncomfortable. 

What one can do is lighten the load until time heals the wounds. Offer help when it's clear they need it (they may not be in a state to ask for it). Don't let them suffer alone in silence, check up on them once in a while. 

Ultimately though, we have to heal our own wounds and find relief from our demons. No one else can do that for us. But it is still comforting to know that there are good people out there who will help you in your time of need even when they don't have to.

In the darkest phases of the pandemic, the only thing that can offer solace is the kindness we show each other. Being nice ultimately costs nothing but can meant a hell of a lot to someone.