The Devil in the Details

I was sitting with my friend at the college coffee shop. We were discussing about academics, how to prepare for an upcoming quiz. That's when I got an unexpected call from back home. 

It was actually from somebody who claimed to know me but whom I had no memory of. He introduced himself as Shane. Apparently he had arranged some one time duty at some clinic for me many years ago. His number was not even saved on my phone. I'm doubtful whether this story was actually true or whether he just wanted some excuse to talk about why he really called.

It didn't take him long to get to the point. Apparently he was going to marry Cathy and the engagement had already happened. He just wanted to know whether there was still (or ever) anything between us as some people used to say. 

Rumour Killer

Having to deal with this bullshit on the phone was like dealing with a ghost from the past. It'd been so many years since I had to deal with this kind of crap. 

I told my side of the story in a few minutes. I guess it was convincing enough because Shane did get married to Cathy a couple of months later (no, I was not invited, I found out through WhatsApp statuses).  

I've had all kinds of rumours spread about me in the past 6 years or so. What I've learnt is that there are multiple ways you can approach such problems. The solution basically depends on the type of rumour. 

Rumour Type 1 - A Rumour which is Simply Impossible 

This is the easiest rumour to counter. It's something that logically is not possibly true. And anyone with a decent number of brain cells can figure out it's probably a work of fiction.

Eg - Back when I got into AIIMS, it went without saying that my ex was not best pleased. It appeared as though my entire UG college was thrilled for me. Except her of course. 

She decided to make her herself feel better by spreading a rumour that the only reason I got a good rank was because I was an IV drug abuser. 

Now, not only was this not true, why would anyone with an addiction problem have some advantage in a competitive exam involving more than 1 lakh doctors? It made no sense. 

The best response to such stories is to just do nothing and laugh it off. If someone actually believed this stuff, it would reflect more on them than me. And not responding prevents the person who created the rumour from getting the reaction they initially wanted to get from me. 

Rumour Type 2 - Something Which Could be True but can be Easily Disproved

Back towards the end of my internship and the start of my career on my own as an MBBS doctor working in multiple hospitals, Aunt May was conniving schemes to ruin my reputation. The idea was for her to look better when the eventual property battle would go down. 

She went and told my relatives that even though my father was bedridden, I was spending every evening drinking and wasting money at a local bar. The insinuation being that I couldn't be relied upon for handling significant amounts of money because I'd just drink it all away. 

It wasn't hard to really disprove this story. In reality, I was working in 3 different hospitals 7 days a week in order to barely pay off the month's bills. Anybody who would have bothered even visiting my house once in a while might have understood this. I had no extra money to go out for dinner, let alone start a drinking habit.  The problem was that the only person interested in setting the facts straight was me. 

That's the problem with this particular type of rumour. You have to go out of your way to try and prove the truth. And people might not be interested in the truth either. So it's basically guaranteed that you'll lose your peace of mind in one way or another. 

Rumour Type 3 - Something you can Never Disprove

This type of rumour is perhaps the most malicious. It's so personal that it's almost impossible to disprove. It'd be a case of "They said vs You said". You are destined to always lose. 

For example, a certain person decided to spread a rumour after my father died that it was basically my fault that it had happened. I hadn't taken care of him properly and didn't fire the home nurse even though I had received enough information to know he was incompetent. 

Now, this is the kind of thing that was not true but at the same time was impossible to disprove. How could I? Everything had already happened and we couldn't exactly go back in time to show people what had actually happened. 

This was perhaps the rumour that hurt the most. I tried to do the best I could in the situation I found myself in. I really did. And to have that presented as though it was all my fault - well it hurt, bad. Many were all too happy to accept this version of events (despite not even contributing one iota to help make things better when my father was alive). 

It took me the longest time to get over this. Months. Eventually, you do realise that no matter what bullshit people speak, everyone forgets about it and move on eventually. It won't make you feel good but you will move on eventually. 

You Can't Win

With any rumour, you are left with basically 2 options

  - Ignore completely and stay quiet.

  - Fight back vocally to clear your side. 

Which option you choose depends on the type of rumour mentioned above. The more difficult things become to disprove, the harder you'll have to try to set things straight. 

The energy and time you waste spending trying to clear your name can never be returned. Choosing wisely when to speak up and when not to is important. And when you've gone through as much as me, it's easy to stop giving a shit. 

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