Sutured Dreams

A friend recently told me that I tend to exaggerate the bad things that have happened to me over the years.  "We all have problems. There is nothing special about what you're dealing with," I was told.  Beyond the crudeness of that statement, there is an undeniable truth to it. In many ways, my life has been privileged and I have never had to deal with the horrible struggles many in war-torn regions across the world go through each day.  But the way the mind works, it is not going to find solace in things like that. "Well my life isn't as bad as that guy there so it's all good," is not the way anyone (except maybe a psychopath) thinks. Our pain means the most to us and us alone. It is futile to try and compare it to someone else. These are not quantifiable entities.  After recently turning 27, I've realised that over the past 5 years or so, I've never really had a chance at a stable, happy existence.  Alternate Ending 1 Sometimes the truth just i...

  As a doctor, people around you expect that you’ll lead a certain lifestyle – big house, big car, big everything. Regardless of whether you’ve only just graduated MBBS or even if you’re still an intern, society tends to believe that one must lead an extravagant lifestyle otherwise one is not a real doctor. This is of course a monumentally stupid assertion. Doctors, especially those at the very beginning of their careers, are never going to be paid * more * than what they are worth. Now think about what rich means. You’re rich when you essentially don’t have to work very hard to earn loads of cash. Or when you can stop working anytime and the cash will keep on coming. That is definitely not what happens in the medical profession. Not at the start of your career anyway. If you think doctors are being paid reasonably well, it’s because they have to work long shifts, deal with life or death situations and face exposure to serious infectious diseases on a daily basis. Not to fo...

As a child and young adult, I was constantly frustrated by how my parents would be overprotective of me. It was not surprising however since my parents married late and I was their only child. When I went on a school road trip to Kodaikanal (not sure if it was in 11 th or 12 th ), my father could barely sleep for the few days I was gone. Not that he told me of course, my mother did that a few years later (he rarely shares his emotions, a trait I've inherited). He sold his bike as soon as I turned 18 because some psychic said I’d die in a crash (seriously). My mother would also be scared out of her mind whenever I’d go (or even think about going) on a long distance trip on my own. The older I grew, the more frustrating this style of parenting became for me. I would never advocate anyone to pick up this style of parenting. It hindered my growth as a human being and I was being left behind by my peers in a lot of ways. This sort of pampering also fostered a level of petulance t...

 1. Many toppers seem to be using multiple platforms these days. I'm still not in favour of this completely because - 1) It will cost quite a lot of money (which is a big deal for those struggling to get by as it is). 2) Most people struggle to finish even 1 resource completely, let alone 2. But if you are going to do this, you must have a very clear idea in mind what exactly you want from each resource (videos & notes of 1 + QB of another or something along those lines). Don't get multiple resources at the start of your prep thinking you'll do great by doing everything twice - that's just setting yourself up for disappointment. 2. If you are at the very start of your prep, live classes will probably be best because I think complex concepts are best understood at normal speed instead of 2X. If you are in the last lap of your prep though, seeing revision videos at an accelerated speed will help you cover more ground. Of course this approach will need to be adjusted b...

Recent news of an intern being subjected to sexually inappropriate behaviour by the HOD of a well-known college in Trivandrum is not surprising to those of us who have been practicing medicine for a while. It's upsetting yes, but unfortunately not surprising.  The medical hierarchy has always been rigged to favour the ones at the top. Many will claim that this is a good thing and that seniors should be respected. There is no denying that but along with respect there should also be trust. Trust that those in power will not cross the line into abusive and inappropriate behaviour.  It is not exactly a shock to learn that men in this country are unable to behave properly while in the company of women. What is shocking is just how little deterrent there is in the medical fraternity to stop such blatant abuse of power. The girl in the first paragraph found out she was far from the only one who had such experiences with the professor in question. Most campuses don't have any fo...

How does one describe the end of a working experience? There is a mixture of happiness that it happened, sadness that it's over and regret that you couldn't have done more while you were there. Having worked in both government and private hospitals for prolonged periods, I can definitely say that I prefer working in government hospitals for a number of reasons. As an MBBS doctor, you'll definitely be doing more good in a government hospital - can help more people and you'll learn a lot more by seeing more cases and having better followup (people always tend to come back). And you don't have to worry about creating profit for the hospital (something that doesn't come naturally to me).  So when Covid cases started shooting up in Trivandrum last year, I had felt an inherent desire to help out. And as always, I tend to overestimate exactly how much I can help out in the need, which is a recipe for disappointment. Like all things in life, the past few months have had...