Sutured Dreams

Years ago when my mother passed, I was not mature enough to process the event. It was the worst day of my life. I cried my eyes out. I was not mentally prepared for it even though I should have been considering she had metastatic cancer. Later when my father became terminal, I was wiser and more realistic than I was back then. My job requires me to deal with death and breaking bad news to people. I know enough to know what sick looks like, what the prognosis is. So I knew what was coming even before his doctor spoke to me. Being more aware certainly does help. It helps making the right decisions, like choosing not to intubate if things came to that. I knew that would not be what my father would want. But despite those advantages, the pain is still as bad as before. If not worse. Reflection Knowing that his time is coming to an end meant a lot of time sitting quietly reflecting on old memories. My father was not a perfect man. Far from it. I had often resented him because he wa

Communication is perhaps the most important part of being a doctor. It doesn't matter if you are smarter than your peers if you can't communicate important information effectively to your patients. Your patients will judge you based on how you interact with them. Unfortunately, in most institutions there is no proper training given to students in this area. Effective communication is more art than science. It is difficult to describe but you know it when you see it. Some are more natural at it than others but regardless of your personality, it takes a lot of effort to become good at it. Dealing with emergencies, death etc is never easy. Patients will refuse care/certain treatments all the time. Some are not too serious while others can be life threateningly stupid. Most of the time, people will make bad decisions because they haven't been properly informed of the consequences. It is essential to avoid confusion in this regard. What I know about communication mostl

Having been a bystander in several hospitals in multiple states over almost a decade, I can confirm that it is one of the most unpleasant experiences one can go through. But they have given me a unique perspective now that I work on the other side as a doctor. Even in most posh hospitals, unless you're capable of coughing up the extra cash for a room, you'll probably be sleeping on a chair or even the floor with mosquitos for company. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is the waiting, the wondering and the fear of not knowing what's going to happen, especially if a loved one is undergoing a difficult surgery or is in the ICU. Everything else just adds to the anxiety and helplessness of the situation. All of these factors result in you being on edge all the time. And the way the healthcare team interacts with you can make a huge difference in how you interpret the standard of care. When my father suffered a stroke, it was one of the scariest few days

How does one talk to someone in grief? It's a situation so awkward and confusing that most of us would prefer avoiding that scenario if possible. I too was completely at a loss of how to handle this situation, going for the safe "show your face at a funeral and disappear as soon as possible" approach. It wasn't until I found myself on the other side that I learned how good and sometimes how bad people can be in this situation. Losing a loved one can be the worst day of your life. And so it was for me. It's been almost 3 years since that day. 3 people who had the courage to come and speak to me that day made a lasting impression. For different reasons. Person X was my teacher. She was very compassionate and understanding. She had so much empathy that she even started tearing up. She was so eloquent with the words she used and the way she spoke, I couldn't help but be impressed. And grateful. You need someone to say the right things at such a difficult

      It's human nature to be drawn into groups. And if you're in college, fitting in is a priority. Take a quick wander around any campus and you'll see people in groups, mostly based on serendipitous criteria like being in the same hostel, the same batch etc. It's convenient to get along with people you're likely to see most days, otherwise things can get awkward. With time, you can see how someone might prioritize being a part of the group ahead of moral values. This is how you get ragging. Nobody rags anyone without backup. There are basically two types of ragging. The so called harmless type where the junior is simply pranked or frightened. Many people approve of this since it has been around for ages. One cannot imagine college life without it. And then there is the serious type which can get you jailed.    When do the fun and games end and serious issues begin? Physical assault is obvious, psychological bullying is more subtle. The scary part is h

    Regardless of your views on the Sabarimala issue or the amount of cash spent on the "Vanitha Mathil", the inescapable reality is that in spite of the incredible progress Kerala made in terms of education, health and sex ratios, we still don't treat women with as much respect as they deserve. Kerala, though better than most states when it comes to women's rights, is not immune to the malaise that still affects much of the country. A recent ICRIER study has shown how the number of women with jobs has actually decreased in the country despite high literacy ( https://www.google.com/amp/s/ www.thehindu.com/news/ national/no-rise-in-working- women-despite-high-literacy- levels-icrier-study/ article25814467.ece/amp/ ). Some of the reasons cited for this peculiar finding is that girls are given a good education not because their parents think deserve a good job, but because they think it will increase the chances of them getting a good marriage. The fairer sex is

      There is a notion amongst the general public that an MBBS degree pretty much guarantees a good income and a luxurious life. There is a certain lifestyle expected from a doctor. But the reality does not always match up with expectation. First of all, the cost of an MBBS degree is continuously increasing. In order to afford this, you either need to have very good financial support from your family, possibly sell some old family property or take an education loan. The last option means that you will effectively be working to make someone else money once you get your degree. Secondly, the early 20s is a difficult phase to go through. Responsibilities increase. From a relative carefree life as a student, you have to start worrying about being competent at your job and managing things at home. And if you're like me, a single child who lost one parent and saw the other become bedridden within the space of a year, then you are always trying to make ends meet. Sure, a docto