Sutured Dreams

I was sitting with my friend at the college coffee shop. We were discussing about academics, how to prepare for an upcoming quiz. That's when I got an unexpected call from back home.  It was actually from somebody who claimed to know me but whom I had no memory of. He introduced himself as Shane. Apparently he had arranged some one time duty at some clinic for me many years ago. His number was not even saved on my phone. I'm doubtful whether this story was actually true or whether he just wanted some excuse to talk about why he really called. It didn't take him long to get to the point. Apparently he was going to marry Cathy and the engagement had already happened. He just wanted to know whether there was still (or ever) anything between us as some people used to say.  Rumour Killer Having to deal with this bullshit on the phone was like dealing with a ghost from the past. It'd been so many years since I had to deal with this kind of crap.  I told my side of the story i...

When you work in a line of work like medicine, you meet countless number of people every day. You touch so many lives each day, whether that be as a saviour or as a bearer of bad news. We don't like to think of it that much because it can end up becoming overwhelming.  It's only when we're on the other side of the fence that we truly get to appreciate how much an impact people we only get to meet once in our lives end up having on us.  Almost 6 Years Ago It was the short period between the arrival of final year results and the beginning of internship. I remember it was night. I was woken up at around 2am. It was from one of my father's coworkers.  My father had gone to Coimbatore for a short business trip. He was staying in a hotel room and doing what he always used to do then in his free time, watch some rubbish Malayalam TV serials on his phone. That night however, something went horribly wrong.  He started developing weakness over the left side of his body. He had...

In the past year, I've received all sorts of advice from friends and well-wishers on how to improve my mood. How to achieve happiness.  "Hit the gym." "Buy a guitar." "Watch a movie." "Get invested in work." "Get in a new relationship." "See a therapist." And the all-time classic of them all - " Just be happy ." What most of these well-meaning individuals don't understand is that I've already tried most of these mood-improving tricks over the years and whatever good they do is really only temporary at best. Finding happiness in life is not easy.  But recently, I've found myself feeling better. Less tired. Less angry. More in control of myself.  So, what happened? Victim of the Past Ever since I was a little kid, I've always felt like I was a couple of years older than my actual age.   My mother had decided to change career paths when I was in 2nd or 3rd standard and at that point my father was in ...

Recently one of my friends told me how no one would ever want their name in my blog's hall of shame (yes, I rant a lot). I had to correct her by saying that all of the names I mention here are changed. And I make sure to change just enough details so that these people are not going to be easily identified in real life. Some of them may have hurt me but I'm not one to *publically* defame them in any way. I used to mention this at the start of each blog once upon a time but eventually I just got lazy and assumed most people would figure out that names such as Aunt May and Professor Highpants are clearly not real.  One of the things I've tried to be over the years is to be the kind of friend that helps people become better versions of themselves. To help them when they most need it and least expect it. This was perhaps a way of compensating for the thing I've not had in the past 6 years. People who've been close to me in this time have slowly destroyed the pleasant pa...

My family (at least my father's side) has been destroyed over the years by this habit of loaning more money that one could practically pay back. It had lead to my father selling my mother's ornaments early into their marriage which was something my mother understandably never quite got over.  Growing up, I'd basically promised myself that I was never going to be like that. There was nothing I disliked more than having to ask someone for financial help. But sometimes life circumstances don't always allow us to stick firmly to our principles.  An Abrupt Transition  Trying to take care of loved ones when you're struggling to make money is extremely challenging and painful. And in my case, the transition to being the main provider of the house was abrupt. I did not have the maturity to deal with those issues as well as I'd have liked in hindsight.  My father had a massive stroke just before I was about to start internship and eventually had a hemicraniectomy (he had...

It is kinda inevitable that when a new authority figure arrives, there is a sense of hope that somehow this will result in things improving. Especially if the new guy was a popular personality previously. And that's how we fool ourselves.  You see, it's very difficult for one person to change the system for the better compared to how easy it is for the system to change that person for the worse.  Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me I've already gone on about how I was failed in final year practicals in one of the most ridiculous ways you could imagine . Considering what happened there, you'd have thought I'd have gotten the hell out of that place the moment my internship concluded. But that sort of common sense eludes me from time to time.  So Madam Vice Principal called me and said there was an opening in the casualty and they needed me to help out because they were struggling to find enough people to join (gee, I wonder why).  I guess I agreed because trying to find a job ...

Karma is a nice thing to believe in and it's probably real to an extent. People who do bad things have to be exceptionally good at manipulation to get away with it time and time again. Most people just aren't that good and their luck will run out eventually. The reverse isn't necessarily true though. Good things are far from a sure thing for those who try to do good.  My father's side of the family is kinda weird in a way because the gap between the haves and have nots is remarkable. There are doctors who have their own hospitals while others are in their 60s, unmarried and never held a real job in their lives. This set the stage for the jealousy, paranoia and back-stabbing that would occur over the past few decades.  Uncle Festus  Uncle Festus and I have a history that goes way back to when I was just a little kid. He was my father's cousin. From what I remember, he was a gentle, playful man at the time. Compared to Aunt May who I always thought had some bad vibes ...